here is some tentative news to report on the health front: As of today, I appear to have lost something quite close to twenty pounds in the course of a month, without contracting scurvy, beriberi, or the galloping epizootic.
The method has been extremely simple. In a previous post I alluded to the dietary restrictions. (Did I mention, there has not been a moment in the last month when I could not have instantly devoured the Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast, including immediately after finishing supper?) The other half of it involves going to the gym six days a week, and being there for something between an hour and two and a half hours.
So, of course, when you go to the gym, the question is, "To do what, exactly?" My goal over the next month or two is to burn precisely as many calories as humanly possible. I'm familiar with many weightlifting protocols, but they all seem organized to be as efficient as possible, because burning extra calories will interfere with teh gainz. This is not what I want. I'm not here for teh gainz. I'm here for teh Lossez. To that end, I want huge, unreasonable energy expenditures, and not efficiency of any kind. Baffled and confused, I had only one way to turn for help:
My friend Google. I asked about high volume weight training, and it gave me something called German Volume Training. (To be honest, the connection with German history or culture is a little vague. Perhaps I'm supposed to time the rest intervals by reciting the greatest hits of Karl Barth, or singing a bit of Schubert. That would still not be the strangest thing I've seen people do in a gym. But I digress.) The deal is to do sets of ten repetitions. Ten of them. The sets, that it, as well as the reps. And that's not ten sets per workout, or ten sets per body part. That's ten sets per exercise.
For example: Tomorrow morning, I start with leg presses. It'll be 160 or 170 pounds. I'll do ten, then step off the machine for a minute and a half to contemplate the meaning of life. Then I do exactly the same sequence nine more times. Then I do the same thing with straight-leg deadlifts. (or as many sets as my back will allow.) Then I do about three or four sets of leg extensions, because the leg extensions are an "assistance" lift, not a real lift.
And wherever there are leg extensions, I meet another old friend.One-and-a-quarter reps.
One-and-a-quarter reps have done me so much good in my life. They stabilize my knees. They make my legs stronger. They improve the tracking of my kneecaps, and increase the likelihood that I'll be able to live my entire life in my own home. They signal that my warfare is accomplished, and the lower-body part of the workout is over. They give me a benchmark from which to minimize many other unpleasant experiences.
The other major exercise I do is seated rows. Again, supremely boring, and long, but it burns calories. When my shoulders stop hurting quite so much, I'll be doing bench presses as well, and possibly military (overhead) presses, too. Leg presses will give way to squats in about a week and a half, Lord willing and the creek don't rise.
There are a couple of things that have to be said about German (sic) Volume Training. On the one hand, it's unpleasant. On the other hand, you get to do a lot of it.
A standard workout will involve forty working sets (distinct for warmup sets). My gym gives out workout cards that have room for a maximum of twenty one sets. I'm apparently doing about twice as much as I'm supposed to.
There is one more good thing about this training: It seems to work. My clothes are looser already. In another week I try another VO2 max test, and see if there's an improvement. In a month I check the blood sugar again, and see if there is progress on the one thing that matters. The stiffness, soreness, exhaustion and questioning of the meaning of life are just the box that the results come in.
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